Time
by tin2lo
Summary: Songfic to song "Time" by Chantal Kreviazuk. Redemption fic for Susan. Susan POV from her to Aslan. not associated with my other stories. Please listen to song...


**This is just something I thought of when I heard this song. The song is called "Time" and it belongs to Chantal Kreviazuk. I'm not exactly sure if this songfic is any good. It took a while to get the full message of the song onto paper so I hope I did it some justice.**

_Time  
Where did you go?  
Why did you leave me here, alone?_

It's been weeks since the train accident and weeks since the funeral. I am completely alone. Everyone has abandoned me and I didn't even see it coming. I've tried so hard to push away everyone I knew and loved and now that they're gone, I don't know what more to do or feel. Time keeps moving and I do nothing but sit here in this chair and hug my legs to my chest. I have nothing and no one to live for. But they didn't leave me when they died. They left me alone long before the accident.

_Wait, don't go so fast  
I'm missing the moments as they pass_

I look at the clock and time still moves yet I feel my life has just come to a complete stop. While I sit here, I start to think. I stopped believing in the place we once ruled. I denied that I was Queen Susan the Gentle. I never embraced my crown after my exile. No one helped with the pain, so I chose to forget and do as the great king told me the day we left forever: All things have their time and I have learned everything I can from _that _world and it was time for me to live in my own. After I chose to forget, my siblings gave up on me after a few months of persuading me to talk about that place. They wanted me to embrace it but the pain was too much and so they never understood me. Because of this, I pretended I was someone or rather something else. Now even _He_ has abandoned me.

Now I wonder…I have let so many of the good times pass. So many of the times when I could have embraced that world with my siblings, I just let it go by me. Now I start to think…do I really want to let anymore time go to waste?

_Now I've looked in the mirror  
And the world's getting clearer  
So wait for me  
This Time_

After thinking things through and thinking about where my life is now, I decided. It was time for me to stop letting these good moments go to waste. I stood up and look through my closet. I look for the simplest dress that I own which is the long white skirt that Peter once gave me for a birthday before he gave up on me. They always said I looked queen like in anything yet I look beautiful in simple attire.

I never understood what they meant until I actually put on the dress and looked at the mirror. I was no longer the woman who hid the pain behind makeup and denial. I was the girl who found a magical land through a wardrobe.

_I'm down, down on my knees  
I'm begging for all your sympathy_

As I finish getting dressed, which only took me five minutes considering I didn't put on my mask I call makeup, I walked outside to see the sun shining brightly for once. For the past few days it has been nothing but grey clouds and depressing weather to match my mood and life. Now it seems as though the lion was beginning to smile on me once again. After a few more minutes of taking in the sunshine on my new life, I did what I hadn't done in years. I ran. I remembered from the Golden Age that when I needed a break from the royal life that I would just run skirts and all anywhere that my feet and faith would take me. For the first time in several years, I ran bear footed and didn't care where my destination was.

As I ran, the memories I so tried to forget but couldn't, came back to me. With this flood of memories, I should have expected to end up in front of Professor Kirke's mansion. Although he had lost it because of financial problems, I was able to buy it back and have his old stuff moved in with the money I gained from the wills. I even had the wardrobe back in its original spare room and large cloth draped over it like how Lucy first found it.

All of the furniture had cloth over it to protect it from dust because since the day I filled it back up with the Professor's old furniture, I haven't set foot in it until now. As I walk through the empty house, light shines in through the windows making the house look as radiant as the southern sun. I gently peel off all of the covers on the furniture and historical artifacts and once again see the house in its former glory.

Without realizing it, my feet have once again led me somewhere. This time I stand in front of the spare room that I remembered so well. I pull the covers off the wardrobe just like Lucy did years ago and stare at the wardrobe.

Instead of smiling and entering it like Lucy once did, I knelt down in front of it and start to cry gently. Everything good I ever tried to push away came back to me just by staring at this wardrobe. I know I've done many wrong things in my life including pushing away my siblings and most importantly, the great lion. As I knelt here silently crying, I only prayed that He would somehow feel sympathy for me and forgive me in the long run.

_But you (I'm just an illusion)  
You don't seem to care (I wish that I could)  
You humble people everywhere (I don't mean to hurt you)  
I've looked in the mirror  
And the world's getting clearer  
I'll take what you give me  
Please know that I'm learning  
So wait for me  
This Time_

All the tears that I left unshed for those who died finally came out. All of my real emotions, all of my regrets, and all the truth that I had stored up, came out in the form of tears just by staring at this wardrobe. For the second time that day, I felt like I didn't know what to do next so I just knelt there and prayed that the great cat would hear me and help me or at least send me a sign of some sort.

But no sign comes and I'm still alone. I now start to wonder whether or not He cared for me now. I abandoned Him so I guess I wouldn't blame Him if He decided to leave me for nothing. When I die, I'll just fade away into nothing. My life is based on the illusion of depending on materialistic things anyway so fading away might actually start sooner than my death. I might as well accept the fact that he no longer cares for me.

I start to think…He forgives doesn't He? If He didn't, then my brother would have died on the stone table as a traitor. I remembered that He is humble and kind and loving, but was that enough for him to forgive me. I didn't mean to hurt Him or anyone else. I hope He understands that it seemed to have just happened as I embraced the exile rather than the memories. He probably doesn't care now anyway so there seems like no point in hoping and with that I dry my tears and walk out of the room, shutting the door behind me.

He humbles and forgives everyone, so why not me? I walked around the house again, memories crashing down like bricks. I entered a room that I start to remember was where I had slept with Lucy when the Professor housed us during the air raids. The furniture, like the rest of the house, was covered up. I start pulling all of the coverings off to reveal the beds, side tables, dressers, closet, and lastly a full length mirror.

I looked at myself for a good amount of time. I looked back out the window to see the sun still shining brightly. I thought that for a second that I actually saw a lion sit proudly out on the front lawn. Was that the sign I was supposed to receive? Maybe He didn't really leave me. I have this feeling that He wants me to do something.

He not only wants me to learn from my mistakes but He wants me to help those who have also made mistakes. I don't understand it just yet, but I know in time I'll know what He wants.

_I should've known better  
I shouldn't have wasted those days  
And afternoons and mornings  
I threw them all away_

The first step to my road to redemption is figuring out where I went wrong. That was easy. I wasted every day since my second trip to _that place_ when I should have talked and enjoyed it. I took the easy road and forgot rather than embrace. I denied everything and wasted mornings and afternoons when I could have spoken to my siblings about it all. I could have told them my pain and maybe they could have helped me. But I didn't. I threw away all the good times and all of my chances.

_Now, this is my Time  
And I'm gonna make this moment mine  
(I shouldn't have wasted those days)  
I'll take what you give me  
Please know that I'm learning  
I've looked in the mirror  
My world's getting clearer_

_  
_My life in this world isn't over and neither is my purpose. I was spared for a reason even if part of that reason was through my own stupidity. In time, I would be forgiven once I get my life on the right track. I would follow my siblings after my death once I knew my redemption was complete. I looked in the mirror once more and I knew what I had to do. I'm still learning how to move on by I know Aslan will help me. Once I finally allowed myself to say his name, it felt so good and I never felt so alive.

My friends, family, and Aslan himself will wait for me wherever they are but for right now…it was my time to shine. The world of which I lived in was finally clear in my eyes.

_So wait for me  
This Time_

**I hoped you liked the story. I'd appreciate reviews but I'd more appreciate if you heard the song because it is very beautiful and when I heard it, it sounded like a song from Susan to Aslan…hence this story.**

**So hope you liked it**

**-tin2lo** _  
_


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